In this episode of Undimmed, host Cecily Mak is joined by Christine Gutierrez, a licensed psychotherapist, life coach, and expert in self-worth. Christine, the author of "I Am Diosa: A Journey to Healing Deep, Loving Yourself and Coming Back Home to Soul," shares her personal journey from childhood spirituality to confronting her struggles with alcohol and toxic relationships.
As Christine opens up about her teenage and early adult years, she discusses the duality of striving for success while simultaneously engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Her candid account of reaching a turning point, acknowledging her problem with alcohol, and seeking help through AA and other support systems is both inspiring and relatable.
Cecily and Christine explore the significance of community in healing, the challenges of changing social dynamics, and the importance of maintaining integrity and alignment with one's true self. Christine's journey to sobriety and her commitment to empowering women through her work in the Diosa community is a testament to the transformative power of living undimmed.
Tune in to hear Christine's powerful story of resilience, spiritual awakening, and the ongoing pursuit of a life of clarity and purpose.
Connect with Christine
Instagram: @cosmicchristine
Website: christineg.tv
Book: "I Am Diosa: A Journey to Healing Deep, Loving Yourself and Coming Back Home to Soul"
Affirmation Deck: "Wisdom del Alma"
Please remember to rate, subscribe, review, and share the Undimmed podcast to help this content reach more humans in need of support or inspiration. You can also follow Cecily's @clearlifejourney on Instagram, subscribe to her Substack, or learn more via her website.
Credits:
Host: Cecily Mak
Producer: Joanne Elgart Jennings
Composer / Sound Alchemist: Laura Inserra
Audio Engineer: Mateo Schimpf
Key Points
00:00 Introducing Christine Gutierrez
01:59 Early Spiritual Connection
04:56 Struggles with Religion
06:36 Family Dynamics and Relationships
10:57 Journey with Alcohol and Relationships
14:57 Turning Point and Seeking Help
18:32 Initial Steps Towards Sobriety
21:08 Evolution of Alcohol-Freedom and Community
24:10 Alcohol-Free Social Life
29:51 Advice for Considering Alcohol Freedom
33:26 Current Work and Reflections
Transcript
This transcript is autogenerated.
Christine Gutierrez 00:00
My name is Christine Gutierrez and I'm the daughter of Evelyn Garcia. And I am the granddaughter of Maria Luisa Garcia and Gloria Ella young. And I am a mother to a beautiful daughter, mother they loose and a wife to a magical man named Fernando some a lot. And really, I'm on a mission to help as many women as possible to feel seen, heard and loved, and to create community and what I call this Diosa hood, so that they know that in this sisterhood they are seen and that their stories that nothing that they say can make them seem crazy, wrong, bad, dirty, shameful. And that's what I'm here to do.
Cecily Mak 00:52
You're listening to undimmed, a podcast about living a clear life without dimmers. I'm Cecily Mac. That was Christine Gutierrez founder, a licensed therapist and a published author who combines principles from modern therapy, and ancient wisdom to help us access the wisdom that lives within us. On today's episode, she takes us on her own personal journey from confronting her struggles with alcohol and toxic relationships, to later founding a global community called Diosa hood, where she holds space for light hearted women to gather, heal and inspire one another. We talk about the significance of community and healing, how to maintain integrity and alignment with our true self, and how to always prioritize what matters most. So Christine, it is such a delight to have you on the podcast. Thank you for joining us today.
Christine Gutierrez 01:57
I'm so excited to be here.
Cecily Mak 01:59
I don't like overusing the word spirituality. But there's a connection that you have to a divine, like feminine, there's a power in you, that you use in your work. And I'm curious, when did that start to this something that came to you as a child? When did you know or kind of recognize that part of yourself?
Christine Gutierrez 02:19
The first time I can remember I was a little girl. And I remember being around seven or eight years old and telling my mom, mom isn't a weird that people don't know that there's more. And I did like these little robot hands. And I said people just wake up and brush their teeth, and go to work. And that's it. I was so confused. And that was like my childlike way of saying, don't they understand the more? Don't they understand that there's this spiritual dimension that exists beyond this 3d, you know, mundane world, don't they know. And for a long time, as a little girl, I only used to dream of people's hands. And the hands in my dreams used to mean something it would be like a symbol or like this person's hands reminded me of chicken and the chicken meant, you know, family or something like this. And I would tell my mom these dreams, and my mom validated the dreams and made me feel, you know, not crazy, right? She She let me know that it's normal to have dreams and to analyze them and my grandmother as well. But I remember feeling it and I grew up Catholic. I grew up, you know, I went to Catholic school. And I didn't necessarily connect with the religious aspect of it. But I remember connecting to the spiritual aspect of it. And I was very rebellious in school. And I remember telling my religion teacher, you know, why is it that you can say that every kid has to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But what if they were born in another country, and they didn't hear about them, children are innocent, and they shouldn't be evil or wrong, because they were just born somewhere different. Wherever they're born. That's where God wanted them. So whatever God lives there, that's the god. I was angry. And I was, you know, this was, you know, back in the days that was put on timeout, and Warner and all this stuff. And I was just, I was angry. I was really angry at it actually. And this continued on like this this like, anger for certain pieces of the religious aspect of my upbringing. And I remember this portion of the Divine Feminine that was missing from my religion. And I remember going to my room at night and praying and say, I'm not going to do our father anymore. I'm only going to do Hail Marys, because it was this missing piece of the feminine. And so it started really young and I've been following that call ever since exploring this, this sense of the more
Cecily Mak 04:56
I love it. I love it. And the story of So, your attention to hands and dreams of hands, what actually sticks out for me is that you're able to share this experience with your mother and your grandmother. And it sounds like they recognized you. And they appreciated that you had the sensitivity in this magic at a really young age where a lot of mothers and grandmothers would encourage a kid to kind of push that aside, you know, get back to focusing on x, y, z. That's really beautiful that you remember that. This is a conversation about now, we've transformed how our guests have arrived at this place of knowing that they want to live undimmed, that they want to live a fully lit and awake and present life, whether that's as an entrepreneur, or a wife, or a daughter, or a mother, one of the many amazing roles that you hold as a woman. So somewhere along the way, I know you like so many of us, myself included, somewhere ended up dimming yourself. And like me your experience was with alcohol, can you share a little bit of your origin story of how you went from that child orientation with a fascination with the spiritual and the mystical, and a little bit of energy around wanting to make sure that women are more present and represented? How did you kind of go into place for you are not as present, tell us tell us that part of your journey.
Christine Gutierrez 06:36
I think that the disconnect came from seeing the ways in which the feminine were hurt. And so in my very real experience of that I first witnessed some of that dimming happening right with the kind of conditioning around religion as I shared, right, like the pushback from growing up and hearing people say, No, this is dumb, this is wrong. Like, you're supposed to believe what you believe. And that's it right. And so little pieces of your light start to get dimmed whether you recognize it or not. And then at home, at home, so much happens, right. And my parents, although beautiful, and encouraging, in many ways were also products of abuse themselves. And though they did better than their parents, they were still abusive. My mother was really cold and disconnected and didn't know what to do. Beyond validating those dreams. She didn't know what to do with my big feelings. I had a lot of big feelings and emotions. And she didn't know she didn't know how to hold them. She didn't know how to hold herself. And my father, this new york city cop, right. And he's just constantly living in fear, very affectionate, but very fearful. And so he projected a lot of his fears on me very verbally abusive when I was growing up, because he was scared. And I'll never forget, I remember one day, years later, I had already I was I grew up in New York, and I had moved to Puerto Rico, in my 20s after my master's, and I remember my dad stayed over my first apartment in Puerto Rico that I had on my own. And he had like this blow up mattress that it was next to my bed. And I remember he said, Honey, I'm sorry that I parented you with so much fear. And we held hands and I cried. And I was like, you know, yeah, you did. And thank you for saying that, because it means something. And he did. It was just like, I could see it so clearly, right. And now me being a mother, and seeing the ways that I am able to hold my daughter's emotions and validate them. But really, that's where it started was that disconnect from as a child, you have no way of knowing that your parents voice is not your own. So you end up internalizing their voice of criticism, fear, pain, abuse, and you take it on as your own. And you go on to replicate that in your romantic relationships and your friendships and my self esteem was shot because of that, right? So I went to go look for love in all the wrong places dated the drug dealers. I was like, Oh, you're a thug here. You're selling drugs. You're a bad boy. You know, let's do this. Like that was like I could like close my eyes. I would joke that I would like close my eyes and go into a bar. I was like, Where is the one that is the most toxic BBB BBB. And I would like, gravitate towards him and Oobleck found you like, wow. And you know, I can laugh at it now of course, but it was horrible. It was horrible because I was living in this darkness. And it was sexy for like two seconds. And the reality of it was that it was really painful. There was more toxic men that were really jealous, really insecure, very abusive, verbally, physically cheating, lying living in this constant state of fight or flight I, and little by little, this was my world and I was living kind of like this double life because I was always this bright light and this loving person that didn't go away. But it was being clouded by so much toxicity. And, and then I kept on dimming my light in other ways by drinking and never really explored with drugs, my drug of choice was drinking alcohol. And that was something that I didn't notice was happening, it happened slowly. And that's what's so scary about you know, these toxic patterns is that, especially if you're living around other people that are doing them, it's so slow, sometimes. And even if it's fast, it's slow. And you don't realize that because you're living in that darkness. So you get used to smelling the shit, right? I had a teacher that once said, If you have shipped by your nose enough times, you're gonna get used to smelling shit, you're not going to notice the smell. So that's what it was like. And that's really the journey of me losing my light.
Cecily Mak 10:57
And would you say that you're when you are drinking actively and going after all the wrong guys and I can really relate to part of this myself? Was it just habit that kept continuing and you sort of passively ended up in a state that you didn't really notice you're getting yourself into? Or do you think you were drinking to numb feelings you didn't want to feel? Or was it both?
Christine Gutierrez 11:25
I think it was both. I mean, I I can remember what it feels like to be in so much pain. Because there, there's a feeling of this conscious part of you that knows that what you're doing doesn't feel good. We always know what doesn't feel good in our body. If we, for a moment, it doesn't mean that we're strong enough yet to pull ourselves out of that. But there's always a piece of us if we're really quiet and honest with ourselves, that Nose Nose and our bones. This is off. This isn't right. This is hurting me. But I didn't have the strength yet the energy yet the self esteem yet the self love the self worth yet, and the willingness to get out of it. And so I numbs myself, and I pretended I was having fun. Because it was a type of fun. But it was a type of fun that ended up hurting me connecting me from the light in me.
Cecily Mak 12:28
Yeah. And it's, you know, just, we get into these habits and patterns. And we we kind of months and years can go by, and we barely notice we're in some kind of a loop. It can be a passive loop, and it feels normal. So we just keep doing it. And then we're surrounded by people who are doing the same thing. So we're in community doing
Christine Gutierrez 12:49
that. Yeah, we normalize it. Yeah. So So what
Cecily Mak 12:53
years are we talking about? What years of your life? Are we referencing here, where you're kind of in that, in that habitual pattern or recycle?
Christine Gutierrez 13:02
I think my team, so my early 20s. And, you know, this is why I always say this to my community and my clients. It wasn't like everything was hitting like shit wasn't all hitting the fan, I was still doing good things. I was still expanding. I was still learning. I love school, I was still giving back. I was volunteering. I've always been that, right. But also simultaneously, I was destroying my spirit and disconnecting from myself. So the two things can both be true. Yeah. And I think it's important to name that because we think that they think such black and white terms. And it's not the case, this was a piece of my Mystery School of Life. And both of those things were happening. At the same time, I was both working on myself and destroying myself. I was both loving myself and hating myself, I was both that was the reality for a long time. And I would take two steps and then fall back again, I would take three steps and then fall back again. And that's who was part of my healing journey. There were moments when I would walk away from that toxic guy and get myself back together. And then I would feel weak and lonely. And I would drink and I would back. And then I remember thinking oh my gosh. Ah like, Okay, I'll do it. I'm gonna leave him eventually. But I'm not ready yet. Because I just need to fuck up a little bit more. I just need a little bit more another hit right another hit of this toxic thing. And that's what it's like sometimes when you're when you know that something's not right for you, but you still want a little hit right? It's like a it's an addiction. And it was love addiction and alcohol addiction was both for me. Yeah. And it was an addiction to just escaping right. And little by little I got sick and tired of it because it wasn't cute anymore. It was like this is not going to bring you anywhere. This is something's wrong. Yeah. And after seeing it so many times I was like, I'm going to destroy my life and I'm not going to be of integrity for the work that I'm doing in the world. Something has to change. And
Cecily Mak 14:57
this is the story I hear. So so much from so many incredible people. Life doesn't fall apart. There's no rock bottom, there's no crisis, nobody grabs you and pulls you aside and says, I think you have a problem. But there's this little inkling inside, that something is not right or not fully embodied or fully expressed or fully showing up in a way we can. And something shifts. Tell us about that shift for you. How did you the last time know that something needed to change and how did you change it?
Christine Gutierrez 15:32
Yeah, so for me, I guess there was a lot of mini rock bottoms right and everyone's you know, description of what a rock bottom looks like and can vary greatly. And I think that's another reason why so many people, they're so stuck on comparing themselves like, Oh, this is not a rock bottom because it doesn't look like I'm you know, homeless on the street or drinking every single day or whatever that looks like it's important to not compare, because the truth is anything that's making you feel unwell in any way is a sort of rock bottom. And so for me what that was was it was actually
16:04
in my case, it actually was a little bit more of a real noticeable rock bottom.
Christine Gutierrez 16:09
I was drinking Sokhi home alone. I was like that's weird. I remember having like this other conscious part of me my awareness I said this is weird like looking down in my room into the experience that I was living in that said you normally don't drink alone. This is strange red flag right but talking away keep going keep drinking. And then I was so lonely. I remember the feelings of despair overwhelming me that codependency that love addiction part of me coming up and I had this like, hit of the love addiction piece of my journey calm and I was like, I'm going to call this toxic person that I know I shouldn't be with that. I'm going back and forth with and I went it was late at night. Two o'clock in the morning, something like this in Brooklyn. And I walked over to his apartment, hopped over a fence. Mind you, I'm not at Flett IK. I do not do any sports. I'm not a person that climbs things, okay. That was that liquid courage and pain. And I climbed a mother effing fence had scratches on my arms, fell asleep on his stoop in Bushwick, it still, you know, I grew up in Bushwick. It was it was still not the best neighborhood. Okay, I could have been raped, I could have gotten hurt. And I waited for him to come back. And I was like, if this is not a sign that your life is progressively getting worse, because things were progressively getting worse for me, then I don't know what is. And I don't remember what happened exactly after that. I don't remember if that was like the last I don't remember if that was the last time I can't tell you because I don't remember. But I do know that. There were people that did start to say, I think you do have a problem. Or I think that and there were other people that were like, I don't think you have a problem. Just drink less, right? It was both. And all of a sudden, I had this inner voice that was like, You need to get help. And you need to start naming this is something that is not getting better. Because I had tried. I tried only drink when you're happy only drink wine only drink to celebrate. And it never worked because I always wanted more. So. But that was a big moment for me. That was a big moment for me. Wow. Yeah.
Cecily Mak 18:32
So you have this moment, you realize this is not working. You realize you're going down the wrong path. What did you do? How did you get help? What was your next move?
Christine Gutierrez 18:44
I mean, I think the biggest thing was admitting it to myself. I was writing it in my journal. I was writing it over and over again. I was like God, Spirit, Higher Self, please help me. Help me to keep remembering this. I don't want to forget this because I've forgotten this before. I my specific path was I called up a friend of mine who I used to get, you know, party hard with. And I told her, you know, you drink twice as hard as me. I think we both have a problem. You're not supposed to do this, but I did. And I was like, I think we should get help. And let's do it together. I need someone to do it with me. And we had talked about this before that we thought we had a problem but we weren't sure. And we decided to go to the movies one night and we went to the movies and in the movie one of the characters I forget the name of the movie was being portrayed as someone that was drunk. And we were like this is like a spiritual sign this woman was like all they showed so many flashes of her being portrayed as a strong, you know, woman and falling and we were like, This is us. And it was like close to 10pm and I said I Googled you know 10pm A meeting I had heard of AAA from my psychology you know, class had gone to a meeting just from you know, for school. Um, And I ended up walking into a 10pm meeting in the bottom of a church on 79th Street. And we, you know, raised my hand I said, Hi, my name is Christine. I'm an alcoholic, I didn't really resonate with the, the words, bully. I was like, this doesn't quite feel like my path, but it felt like the right path for the moment. And it was it was me surrendering, it was me saying, Hi, my name is Christina. And I have a problem in front of a group of people to witness me and my friend did the same. And she's also sober to this day, one day at a time. And so we we got sober together. And that community really helped me I needed that not everyone needs that. But I needed that. I have a different way of going about it now. But for me, I was I did the things I got the sponsor, I did the steps. And it helped me I needed people that were doing the same thing. I didn't have a community around me that was sober or wanted to be sober. Now I have friends that choose to not drink and, you know, and many different variants of sobriety, and fear living as you would say, right. But that was my journey to getting sober. How long ago was that? Now a little bit over seven years. Woohoo. Yeah, Congratulation.
Cecily Mak 21:08
Thank you. It's beautiful. And you've spoken of Ay ay ay, ay, as a really important chapter for you. So and you know, it's obvious, we'll get to what your work is in the world today. But it's obvious that the relational element of any journey is such a priority and key thing for you. And you've described your AAA experiences just that, and even just in his last moments as finding community when you really needed it. How long did that last? And tell us how you end up not being in the AAA community anymore, or less. So how did that evolve over the last seven years?
Christine Gutierrez 21:46
So first, to speak to what you said, community is key for me, I heal in a communal way, I think many of us as people do, especially women, and I thrive, knowing that I'm not alone in a situation and having that was what I needed to know that I wasn't alone and to stay accountable. I slowly stopped going to as many meetings when I had a baby, my life started to change, I still always do my own spiritual things and have support and I'm still very close to my sponsor. There was a very synchronistic way that I met her she had gone to Fordham as well, she's also a mom, she's also spiritual, she's also does yoga and all these things. And so we're soul sisters, right. And so my connection remains in the way that now I'm connected to the people in the program. And I will go to a meeting that's more personal with the people that I've met. And we'll make our own meaning on a on a zoom call together on a FaceTime call together, but in terms of like, going into the meetings, and feeling like I have to go in order to stay sober. That's not my truth, I don't need to go to meetings to stay sober. But I need to stay around clear minded people that choose a life of well being right and that it has to mean that everyone is not drinking, but it has to mean that the majority of the people in my life are in or that are committed to living in a well way and that aren't using alcohol to escape. So that still remains the same. And that's how it shifted over the years before I was going, you know, meeting a day, three meetings a week, and feeling like if I didn't go to for meetings, and I wasn't you know, doing a good job, right? Like that kind of shame based piece of it. But I need that accountability at the same time. So I don't knock it I think it's actually a great way to train your brain to do something different. We know that habits take time to shift and that consistency and giving back and volunteering in the meetings and going to those those groups and sharing and talking to your sponsor. It makes sense why it works and and also, I believe that we all get to choose how our relationship changes with any kind of personal development that we do. Yeah,
Cecily Mak 24:10
let's talk a little bit more about that. I know for myself that there are a lot of relationships that have stayed the same or endured since I myself entered what I call my own clear life journey or chapter. And you know, a number of relationships also kind of concluded like they ripened and we moved on. But then there's also this whole new universe of people with whom I don't believe I would have connected had I still been in this habitual dimming habit and I know you have this very vibrant or full global circle of women and friends and sisters, your your Diosa hood, taking that into consideration and also just your your other elements of your personal life. How Has your social life evolved? Since you paused drinking? And do you still spend time with people that you used to drink with? Like, how do you navigate that it's the hardest thing for people to imagine. Many of the people listening today are flirting with the idea of stopping drinking alcohol. It's something that might not feel right. They don't self identify unnecessarily as an alcoholic. But they also have this inkling that you and I know so well, if something's not right. But the scariest part for for most is the relational part is the social part. How did you figure that out? How did you navigate it? How is it different now than it was?
Christine Gutierrez 25:42
Yeah, that's why I think it's so important to, I don't care if it's AAA or anything, I think it's important to find people, especially in the beginning, that are on some sort of journey that is healthier, you know, even if it's like a running group, or a place where you can't drink, right, exploring hobbies or things with people that are not doing the connection based on alcohol, right. So I think that no matter how you find that, I think it's important in the beginning, because you might be too tempted. The truth is, you have to keep it real with yourself, if you're in a place where you're still not strong enough to resist the temptation of drinking. And that's a desire that you truly have, then you have to be honest with yourself and say, I am not ready to face this temptation. In my journey yet, right? That's one piece. The second piece is for me, I have my OG ghetto girls that I grew up with. And they all drink and they go hard. Yeah, they go hard, okay, they just don't drink, they explore drugs, you know, recreationally, they're just totally different world than I am. We're best friends for over 2530 years were like sisters. But they're also healthy people in many other ways. They're most of them actually are not addicted to anything and are using to escape anything. They actually have a pretty healthy relationship. But they party sometimes. And they really support me in my decision. And I had to have a really serious conversation with them about them and tell them because in the beginning, they were like, I don't think you really have a problem. I was like, remember that time I got into a car with a random ass die going out? I think that's not normal. Okay. So I had to, like remind them of things. And then I also had to tell them, please, I need this to be a boundary, you cannot tell me what you think I know what I think, for my experience, and drinking is not healthy for me, period. That's just what it is. So we're going to support that. And we're going to stand by that decision and that choice, and we're not going to name it anything else or question it because it takes a lot of strength for me to own that and I need your support. So after I made that very clear, they actually were very supportive. And they would always have like apple cider, sparkly stuff, or like mocktails ready for me, we would do a birthday party, they would do jello shots, and they would have like this, like, you know, sober, you know, alcohol free mocktail jelly shot, and they always made me feel included. So a big beautiful for me, everyone's going to be different. I like to feel included in social gatherings. And one of my biggest fears was that when people were cheer doing chairs or doing certain things that I would be left out. So with my close friends, I made it be known that it was really important to me to be included. And so we we always had some sort of, you know, mocktail kind of fancy thing that I could feel like I was part of it. I remember one time they were doing like this game, you know, where they opened up. I don't even know what's called Chaka, I don't know, they open up a can and they have to drink it really, really fast. And they got me like a seltzer. And they were like, Go, Christine. Oh, my gosh, she's the drunkest one of all you know, and like, they really support me and these are silly ways that I do that with my best friends and in my other life, right, the people that I've had the opportunity to meet for sure, I wouldn't have met because I really opened up a whole new world of my, my light, right, my light expanded even wider, and I was able to not only call it in, but keep it in because the thing is, you could still be magnetic and be drinking, but then you're bound to fuck it up. If you're messing up so I wasn't only able to to attract the right I was able to keep it and nurture these relationships that are my sober friends that are my spiritual soul sisters. That's who I spend time with. That's who I'm actually talking about. My problems with and expanding my dreams with my best friends are people that I see and we do our special things, but the people that I really bond with are my spiritual community and, and also my Diosa community that I've created.
Cecily Mak 29:51
Hmm, love that. So, you know, I just want to highlight a couple of things you noted about your, your What did you call on your GED? girls are getting sisterhood. You know, a lot of us and we've been drinking for 1020 30 years, we have our party friends, and they're fun, and we're fun with them. And it's terrifying to think about, what are we going to just stop doing that? Are you going to start inviting me to Poker Night? Are we going to not go dancing anymore. And if we have willingness or desire, as you shared, you did and do to not be left out or lose that social, fun, connected glue, you did two things that I think are really, really great lessons for people. Number one, you communicated upfront, hey, this is something I would really appreciate your support, and I am making this change. Can we still do these fun things, and I'll just do them in my own way. And it sounds like that was very well received. And I imagine for most people, it probably wouldn't be done the right way. Second, and I'm personally really inspired by you in this, you made it about yourself, you're not declaring, this is bad, we all shouldn't do it, blah, blah, blah. You said, This doesn't work for me. So I'm making a choice for myself? And can we still stay loving and connected, despite the fact that I'm making a choice for myself, that's different than the choice you're making for you. That's amazing. I imagine that that is just I mean, we don't realize that we don't have to be in this like division oriented way, particularly because there is a massive cultural shift happening. I don't know if you feel or see this where you are. But, you know, five years ago, when I told people I wasn't drinking anymore, their first response was, Oh, my God, I didn't know you had a problem. And now it's Oh, my God, that's so great. How do you do but you must feel amazing. Do you see this in your community too?
Christine Gutierrez 31:44
Yeah, I definitely think that this wellness, personal development kind of movement has started to shift in that it's not only people that are addicts, that are giving up alcohol, people are giving up alcohol for many different reasons, to be more connected to themselves to have more vitality, to feel more productive, to have less regrets, to have more energy to have more health people care about these things more now, or it's been, you know, promoted in such a way that people are starting to realize that alcohol might be something that is not helpful. And there's also a lot more research that backs that the detrimental use of alcohol. So I think that both on a wellness level, but also on a scientific level, people are realizing that this, this doesn't not great for you. But even with that, I still, like you said, I think it's really important for me to name what's good for me. I never want to make someone feel bad or wrong for doing what they want. And I never want to shame someone. And if someone actually has a problem, right? That's a different story. And they'll come to that and their own journey. And they'll know that I'm a safe place to come to because I've done it before.
Cecily Mak 32:51
Yeah, yeah, I imagine that. And so what advice do you have for those sisters and brothers who are listening today, people who, who have an inkling that something is not quite right, or their habitual dimming habit, whether it's alcohol, or some other drugs, or even shopping, sex work, exercise, whatever it is, what what advice do you have for people who are considering making a change, but are maybe afraid.
Christine Gutierrez 33:26
It's scary to let go of our identity, right? It's scary to know a version of ourselves and to have to walk this mysterious, unknown bridge into another version of ourselves and another new identity that we don't know. It's, it's normal, and it's valid, it's valid, to be scared, and I think normalizing our human feelings and saying that it is scary, it's scary to do new things. But if you're feeling that, I think that we need to be extremely present to that inner voice and that intuitive voice that is orienting us towards our highest self, the best version of ourselves, I like to see this like a video game. And it's like, you hear this intuitive voice and it says, maybe there's a red flag here, you might want to stop drinking, or you want to reduce the drinking. And every time you listen to that voice, you get points and you get to jump up the level. And every time that you don't listen to that inner voice, it's like, you fall down, you might get another chance. Not everyone gets another chance, depending on how dark you go. That's true, too. But most of us get more chances, right? But it becomes harder and harder. So I really think that it's important to see a life as a ministry school. We get spiritual initiations that help challenge us to grow. You're going to be scared to take the leap into a new identity, but every single time I like to tell myself you're getting your points. These are the these are your points to uplevel to the next version of your highest destiny. And there's always going to be gifts there and the good EFS being alignment with oneself, freedom, peace, conscious, amazing community opportunities, all these things come from this place of listening to that. So write a list of all the ways and all the things that your intuition or that gut or that feeling inside of you is telling you that you're moving away from and start to look at it and say what is one action step that I can take towards making a change in this area, if that's hiring a therapist is that joining an app if that's going to a meeting, doing one small actionable step, or breaking that habit is going to be revolutionary for them?
Cecily Mak 35:38
Hmm. And you are such a living, breathing, heartful embodiment of that, I think about this video game metaphor you use, you've had a lot of step ups and things over the last seven years, tell us about what you're doing. Now, you have created something absolutely magical. And I think our listeners would be so inspired to hear how you have leveled up since your own pause.
Christine Gutierrez 36:04
So I have been doing this women's empowerment work for over 15 years. And this comes in the form of my annual the all star retreat, the author's the Spanish word for goddess. And it's really about creating spaces for women to break open to cry, to, to look at the places within themselves, where there were thorns placed on them because of their trauma or their pain. And to go in a somatic level and really remove them release them, have community around them, witnessing them reclaiming themselves, remembering their power, remembering their worthiness. We do this online through mentorships, through trainings, and through the community itself of women getting to network with each other, getting to meet deeper friendships, these soul sisters that we talked about that are conscious on the same journey. And so this is our Yassa community that Yosa hood and I created a book called I Am Diosa journey to healing deep loving yourself and coming back home to soul, a beautiful deck wisdom, the l'alma, and all of these things were you know, I mean, I grew up in Bushwick. I didn't have role models that look like me, that sounded like me doing any of this. It was the traditional jobs. And that was it. If you escaped living in the hood, it was because you were a cop or a teacher or something like that. And I remember walking into Barnes and Nobles and looking through the bookshelves and seeing only white women. And then don't me get Reese who was like one Latino male, in his like 60s, I think at this point. And Dr. Clarissa Pinkola. Estes, who was like in her 70s, I think, yeah. And I was like, I think it's time for new voice, data voice. And I declared that I was going to be what I wanted to see. And to be that role model for other Latino women, women of color, but all women that have gone through this adversity and have chosen to rise. And so I'm really proud of it. I really believe in following our big dreams. And I know that my sobriety is a big piece of the glue that holds my life and my blessings together. I see my sobriety as the glue of my life, and it holds all of my blessings. It keeps all of my blessings intact. And it allows me to maintain my blessings and my gifts and to stay in an attitude of gratitude. And I'll figure it out. Like my mantra is, I'll figure this out. And life tests us, right? We have a lot of messed up things that happen. But that is my mantra over and over again. And it continues to serve me to keep to keep doing the work. Right. I continue to be a student of this work.
Cecily Mak 38:28
Yeah. And you speak to this sobriety is soul glue. It's so beautiful. What, um, you you started to do? So hood and this this work that you do 15 years ago? And about halfway through, you cut alcohol out of your life? Did anything change? Or did anything shift as a result of that? Or do you feel like you've just kind of been on a progression, and that was just one puzzle piece of it?
Christine Gutierrez 38:53
Well, I started to feel more of integrity. I mean, there's nothing bigger than that, right? Like, there was a part of me that was still living this double life. And I was I was hiding, right, I got to meet an embodied version of my work. I always knew she was there. But I wasn't yet living in that reality. And so to finally arrive in it, and to see myself fulfill my destiny, because what happens is we get glimpses of who we want to be and the dreams we want to have. But then we mess up and we keep choosing the things that bring us away from our destiny. And you don't get to live the dream that are so planted in us. So for me to be able to finally arrive and live embody the body in the dream. That spirit planted in me has been the greatest gift of all. And obviously, there's physical manifestations of like blessings that have come my marriage, my daughter, my ability to make more money, like all of these things are also a big piece of my sobriety. But that's not the main piece. The main piece is fully living in this alignment and feeling like I did it. I arrived in in this version of myself that I always wanted to be
Cecily Mak 39:59
so beautiful. So, one of my last if not my last question, if you could reach back into time and communicate with that version of you that was drinking sakeI alone or scaling sentences to find toxic men, whatever we've done in our past and those memories we have an Intel her something What would you tell her from over here? You're gonna make it you're gonna make it awesome. choking me up. It's beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you. So how do our listeners find you? How do we find your your community your your book your circle? You wanna refer them to your Instagram website? How do they find you?
Christine Gutierrez 40:53
Yeah, you can come to my Instagram cosmic Christine. My website is Christine g.tv My book I am the author on my deck wisdom dilemma can be found wherever books are sold and hit me up.
Cecily Mak 41:03
Amazing. You're such a gracious, generous guest. Thank you so much, Christine, for sharing with us as you have today. Beautiful.
Christine Gutierrez 41:11
Thank you think you besitos Percy Tasbeeh well
Cecily Mak 41:21
Christine Gutierrez is the founder of Diosa. A global community and soon to be app, we're lighthearted women gathered to heal, grow and thrive. She is also a licensed psychotherapist, a life coach, an expert in self worth, and an author. Her book is called I Am Diosa. A journey to healing deep, loving yourself and coming back home to Seoul. You've been listening to understand I'm Cecily Mac. If you like what you heard, please take a moment to subscribe to the show on Apple Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And if you're inspired, we really appreciate a rating. It really helps others find us and is part of a larger movement called Clear life. It's an exploration of what it means to live clear without dimmers that can interfere with our intentional and present way of being. It's really about tuning into our truest selves. To learn more about clear life, you can go to my website Cecily mac.com That's CECILYM a K. or subscribe to my substack also under my name undimmed is produced by Joanne Jennings. Matteo shimp mixed and mastered the show and the great Laura and Sarah composed and recorded our music. Thank you for joining us, be well
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